Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Donald's Epic Scientology Story Part 1

About 10 years ago, Dumb Donald spent a summer in LA. Dumb Donald believed that he would probably make it in 3 months time. If he didn't, he'd go back to college.

I now hold a bachelors degree in theatre and education.

I went through a lot of craziness during my 3 month stint in Hollyweird

19 year old Donald learned 3 things:

1. You need a job.

2. You are not going to make it as an actor in three months.

3. Be very careful of people who may be trying to take advantage of you.

And so begins my epic Scientology story . . .

I came to LA with $200 to last me three months. Not very smart. I'd recommend having $5,000 - $10,000 before making the move to Los Angeles. I quickly ran out of money after 2 weeks and was desperate for a job. One of the friends I knew worked at an Armenian restaurant in Hollywood. He promised me he could get me a job.

The next day I began work as a chicken cleaner and dishwasher.

I'm only good at two things in this world: acting and teaching. As I've said before, I'm fairly awkward and I was definitely the worlds most awkward chicken cleaner/ dishwasher.

I was fired after working for 3 hours.

I got soap on the chicken.

The owner of the restaurant placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "My customers, they don't like soapy chicken. Don't worry. I can never be a mechanic and you were never meant to clean chickens."

Sadly, I agreed.

"You're fired." He said. "I'll buy you a chicken."

I ate the chicken. The parts without soap on them were delicious.

I took the walk of shame back to the apartment. When I got there, the guys decided that we should go hang out near Hollywood and Vine to get my mind off of my epic failure.

As we were walking, I saw some people handing out flyers for free personality tests. I'm really into psychology and hypnosis so in I went.

A sign on the door read NOW HIRING.

My prayers had been answered . . . or so it seemed.

Tune in tomorrow for part 2 of  Donald's Epic Scientology Story.


  1. I want to read the second half!

  2. Buckle your seatbelt because the craziness gets kicked up to asylum levels in the next 2 parts of the story.

    It's like Lord Of The Rings, but instead of searching for a ring I'm searching for a sane person.